What parents can do to help prevent suicide

As a parent, protecting your child’s mental and emotional well-being is one of your most important roles. Unfortunately, children and teens face unique pressures that can sometimes lead to thoughts of self-harm or even suicide.

Recognizing warning signs, knowing how to respond and finding support are critical steps in ensuring the safety and health of your child. Robyn Morris, a licensed clinical social worker at Kentucky Children's Hospital, offers tips, guidance and trusted resources to help you open conversations about mental health, identify signs of distress, and get help for your child when needed.

Whether you're navigating a difficult situation now or simply want to be prepared, these tools can make a difference. Your awareness and proactive efforts are key in suicide prevention.

Warning signs a child is at risk for suicide

A young person may be at risk of self-harm or suicide if they are talking to others or posting on social media about wanting to die, experiencing great guilt or shame, or being a burden to others.

An at-risk young person might feel hopeless or as if they have no reason to live. They may present as extremely sad, anxious or full of rage. They might also complain frequently about emotional or physical pain, such as fatigue, headaches or stomachaches.

Someone who is at risk of suicide or self-harm might change their typical behaviors. This include things like:

• Making a plan (gathering medications, sharp objects, or firearms) or researching ways to die
• Withdrawing from friends, saying goodbye, giving away important items, or making a will
• Taking dangerous risks such as driving extremely fast and/or recklessly 
• Displaying extreme mood swings
• Eating or sleeping more or less
• Using drugs or alcohol more often
• Suddenly become calm or cheerful after a long period of depression
• Decline in academic performance
• Showing little to no interest in activities previously enjoyed

What treatments are available for your kids if they are in need of mental health care?

Services provided depend on the needs and the diagnosis and severity of the problem. They may consist of services such as psychotherapy with an evidence-based practice, care coordination, medication, or a combination of all approaches. Your child’s primary care provider can help determine the best treatment option(s) based on presenting clinical issues/concerns.

• Talk to your child’s pediatrician about a referral to a mental health provider.
• Call community mental health centers or your insurance carrier to learn about in-network providers that specialize in working with children/adolescents.
• Some schools contract with community mental health centers. Reach out to your child’s guidance counselor to see if services are available in their school.
• If your child is experiencing an acute situation, and you are concerned about their safety, go to your local emergency room.

What should I do, and not do, when talking about suicide and mental health with my child?

Parents should be proactive and directly address warning signs that your child may be at risk for suicide. You want to promote mental health in your family and maintain a positive relationship with your child. 

Do:

• Keep channels of communication open and be direct — let your child know you appreciate their honesty and courage.
• Ask directly about thoughts of suicide.
• Normalize their experiences — reassure them there are no “taboo thoughts.” Let them know you understand what they're feeling.
• Talk to your child in a private setting and give them all your attention. Show them you are present in the moment with them. 
• Listen to their distress and stay calm — sit with your child and listen to the reasons they are feeling this way. “Let’s figure this out together.” Allow them to talk freely and do not interrupt. Respond with empathy and manage your own feelings
• Take a collaborative approach and do not dictate the solution.
• Keep an open mind and non-judgmental attitude. Remember: having suicidal thoughts is nobody’s fault.
• Support your child’s connections with positive, healthy peer groups and other adults

Don’t:

• Debate whether suicide is right or wrong.
• Lecture on the value of life or question why someone could feel this way.
• Pass judgment, shame, or insult them. (Avoid language like “That’s stupid,” “You have a good life and no reason to feel that way,” etc.)
• Invalidate their feelings (“I’ve experienced worse,” “Don’t you know how this makes me feel?”) or punish your child for feeling this way.
• Dismiss what you’re seeing as “teenage drama.” Never assume your child is exaggerating.
• Steer the conversation immediately toward problem-solving. Teens need for someone to listen, to feel heard, understood, and validated.
• Be afraid to have a conversation with your child about mental health and suicide.